It feels so fresh. I wish we would of COMPLETELY settled this years ago.

Not gave each other little bits and pieces for three years until we finally had the full puzzle..

I’m just happy its over. But like anything…I’ll need time.

Now I just worry about you doing what I did…spiraling out of control. I hugged you and told, “dont be stupid cause I can’t save you from the bottle when you move so far away.”

You looked at me as if I handed you a gun and told you to kill yourself.

But I know how you are. And I know how I was when it got bad. I almost did. With the same weapon of choice. But I hit my rock bottom and made my way back to the top and found Alec. And he’s more than I could of ever asked for.

It was comforting yet painful to hear you say that you wanted the best for Alec and I. And that I deserved everything I have now.

And you WILL find someone. You won’t believe me. But someday I hope you will. 

I’ve had three years to move on, but to hear you’re still I guess kind of hung up, and that I indirectly had an effect on your marriage was hard to hear. so now it’s your turn to move on.

I consider you my best friend. Plain and simple. And when you’re ready to fully take the role back, I will be accepting.

Though NO ONE will ever understand….HOW and WHY we are still friends..almost best friends.

I can’t describe why. But we are. You even said so yourself…..and if they can’t understand that we’re just friends….fuck ‘em.

We were just two hopeless romantic young as fuck kids trying to live the dream that fell apart. But fate had other plans. I know that now.

You were supposed to be in my life to show me what REAL bad is. To learn to stick up for myself and to GROW. To push me in the right path.

Thats why we’re still friends….I’m forever thankful.

THe end. 

mltrygf:

Needless to say, we will remember last night forever. Thank you All Time Low for allowing us to be backstage last night! <3 You guys rocked the fucking house! 

Needless to say, we will remember last night forever. Thank you All Time Low for allowing us to be backstage last night! <3 You guys rocked the fucking house! 

He’s coming home today. =) This is a queued message. I am literally on my way, to the airport RIGHT NOW! 

=)

Well, depending what time this gets published at! I have it set up 3-4.

But if you’re reading this and its 4 o’clock, then I’m standing at the gate, searching for his face in the crowd… 

After 208 long days, he is home on leave. Ten days is all we get together. But I don’t even care at this point. All I know is that I can’t wait to kiss him, hug him, hold his hand, look at him and NOT have a computer screen separating us.

I can’t afford to hire someone to take pictures, and there’s not going to be anyone there except his dad, best friend, and me. And frankly, I don’t care anymore that we won’t have pictures. All that matters is that he’s mine and he’s home. 

I can’t tell you if I’ll cry or not when I see him, but I probably will.

All I know for sure is that I’ve never felt so anxious about any other moment in my life besides this.

I’m writing this the day before and my mind is already racing, and it doesn’t feel real.

I know the moment I see his face though…it will be the most real experience in my whole life.

Anyways, I’ll update you all when I get home, probably late tonight or tomorrow.

Thank you to all the ladies and gents who have gotten me through the FIRST half of this deployment. I only hope and pray you all stick around for the second half.

=)

Talking to my ex today made me realize I’m better than I realize. 

I deserve to be happy about myself. Not just my life but MYSELF. 

So fuck this second guessing shit. I WILL be HEALTHIER. I WILL be more FIT. I will LOVE MY BODY. I finally got what I deserve in my life, so why don’t I deserve this too??

I guess I never felt worthy of the life I now live. But now I realize, I am good enough. Fuck the past. I’ll leave it behind along with this weight.

Thanks you for another life lesson kiddo.