"Tales of a military girlfriend"
I'm Vanessa. I've made this blog as a sort of outlet. I've found the only good way I can express myself is through words. I'm just looking for a way to say what I have to say, and hope that in return it turns into something positive. I've spent the last few years on random travels but now have kind of settled and found the man of my dreams. =) My heart belongs to Alec. A soldier of the US Army, and he's everything I didn't know I wanted. 
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I want to start this off with: I never doubted that he misses me. I was talking to him over skype last night and just out of nowhere he was like, I want to sleep so bad right now with you. Apparently he’s been having a hard time sleeping lately. He doesn’t tell me these things of course. He said, “me not having you in my bed every night right next to me, no matter how good the bed is, it sucks with out you in it and i have been putting up with it, and dealing with but now i just need you in my bed with me.” …I was so glad to hear it. I told him that I’ve been feeling that way since he left. He said, “i know it has sucked for you from the beginning, me i am kinda build to deal with being away from my love for a little, but know it have reach my breaking point. i feel i have reach it.” He feels lonely, and it breaks my heart. I’m lonely too. I just wish we could of been on the same level at the same time. That he would of felt this pain way back when I did ( and still continue to feel). I wouldn’t of felt so alone in the beginning of this. I told him, I just wish you would of somehow, not built it up. And had these same feelings when I first had them, i mean i continue to have them. just, maybe it would of made it not so hard at the beginning. Especailly with the fighting. But i’m lonely too. very lonely He told me, ”i agree it would i have made it easier. But i can not let these thing at me as much as i would like because i would not be able to function over here. that is the only reason i do it.” I told him, sometimes he just…has to talk to me. Let it out. Just for a while. DOn’t hold it in all the time. I would hate to watch it destroy him inside, and some days I can see it on his face and it kills me. I love him too much to stand by and watch it eat him away. But what can I do unless he’s willing to talk? Nothing. But anyways, the the bright part of this convo: He got my packages I sent him. I sent him an envelope with his game informers =) And the a box filled with CAKE BALLS! Annnd his frisbee he wanted and the a surprise. I told him like two weeks ago, ( i didn’t tell him what it was) But he had to take care of it and not let it get worn out. I sent him my stuffed Eeyore. =) Before I put it in the box I doused it with my perfume. I put a lot on to make sure it stayed strong throughout the shipping process. But when he called me today he had it on his shoulder, in his hand, lap, whatever with him the whole time. I asked him if it still smelled like me. He sniffed it and said yes. He cuddled it between is head and shoulder and kind of made a content Hmmmm noise. I was happy I could make him happy. ESPECIALLY after him being down last night. I didn’t intend it to be that way but I’m glad it worked out. I hate to see him when he suffers throughout this. =( Hopefully though this will keep him stronger for awhile. I love you baby. Okay so I POSSIBLY might be taking my mothers cat. I hate to say it but from lack of proper care, the cat and all the other animals in the house have fleas. If I do end up getting the cat, what can I do to treat him and remove the fleas? AND to keep the fleas from transferring into my own home?? well this round was pretty crazy my love ….after many tears, and many words, things are getting back to normal with you and I. We finally sat down and BOTH apologized for everything that was said that wasn’t worth it. All the grudges that were held that never needed to be, and all the doors that were closed that can now be opened. 
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