I'm Vanessa. I've made this blog as a sort of outlet. I've found the only good way I can express myself is through words.
I'm just looking for a way to say what I have to say, and hope that in return it turns into something positive. I've spent the last few years on random travels but now have kind of settled and found the man of my dreams. =) My heart belongs to Alec. A soldier of the US Army, and he's everything I didn't know I wanted.
Behind all the thousands of pictures of homecomings, all the videos, it heartache.
And I’m sorry if this comes out a little bit funny. When I’m trying to make a point I always sound like I’m talking in circles.
What I’m saying is, I feel like no one addresses the facts. That when women go to other women that sometimes they don’t tell them the harsh reality on top of it.
For example, homecomings. You could be super excited and it go perfect. But no one says, “Hey, you know things could be weird, or awkward. And you might have doubts that because of his lack of emotion that he loves you. But guess what, HE DOES. But it’s going to take time. And you’re going to have to readjust.”
I’m not saying its all a lie, I’m just saying that all these pictures online make up only ONE SIDE to the senario. Only ONE possible outcome. And then I feel like when it doesn’t happen that some girls will feel let down and that their relationship isn’t working anymore.
Do you see what I’m saying?
This isn’t the movies. This isn’t a fairytale.
This is real life, and sometimes things just happen in a way you never thought it would.
But just cause it didn’t happen the way you expected, doesn’t mean somethings wrong.
SO lets all just be honest with each other. Take the veil off and see what this really is. Real life.
Not saying you can’t hope and dream and cross your fingers.
(Please no one take this rambling as hate. Thank you.)
Behind all the thousands of pictures of homecomings, all the videos, it heartache.
And I’m sorry if this comes out a little bit funny. When I’m trying to make a point I always sound like I’m talking in circles.
What I’m saying is, I feel like no one addresses the facts. That when women go to other women that sometimes they don’t tell them the harsh reality on top of it.
For example, homecomings. You could be super excited and it go perfect. But no one says, “Hey, you know things could be weird, or awkward. And you might have doubts that because of his lack of emotion that he loves you. But guess what, HE DOES. But it’s going to take time. And you’re going to have to readjust.”
I’m not saying its all a lie, I’m just saying that all these pictures online make up only ONE SIDE to the senario. Only ONE possible outcome. And then I feel like when it doesn’t happen that some girls will feel let down and that their relationship isn’t working anymore.
Do you see what I’m saying?
This isn’t the movies. This isn’t a fairytale.
This is real life, and sometimes things just happen in a way you never thought it would.
But just cause it didn’t happen the way you expected, doesn’t mean somethings wrong.
SO lets all just be honest with each other. Take the veil off and see what this really is. Real life.
Not saying you can’t hope and dream and cross your fingers.
(Please no one take this rambling as hate. Thank you.)
They’ve got me on the outside, looking in But I can’t see at all With the weight of the world on my shoulders, They just wanna see me fall
They’ve got me on the outside, looking in But I can’t see at all With the weight of the world on my shoulders, They just wanna see me fall
Have faith in me
I said I’d never let you go, and I never did I said I’d never let you fall and I always meant it If you didn’t have this chance then I never did You’ll always find me right there, again
I said I’d never let you go, and I never did I said I’d never let you fall and I always meant it If you didn’t have this chance then I never did You’ll always find me right there, again
I said I’d never let you go, and I never did I said I’d never let you go, and I never did I said I’d never let you go, and I never did I said I’d never let you go, and I never did
I’ve fallen back into the weird sleep pattern. Where I just toss and turn all night, and I just can’t be comfortable without him next to me. I hate living alone, but I know its just one thing I’ll have to get used to. But I almost feel he had to go too soon. We moved into our place about 2 weeks and change before he had to leave…It doesn’t feel the same without him here. And I hate making decisions on my own on how to decorate, or where to put things.
We try to shop online together some times, but its not that same. I don’t know. I guess I just miss him. I can’t get a big hug after a long stressful day. I can’t get kisses in the morning to start the day off good. I have no one to hold my hand at the store….
No one to hold my hand at all the doctors visits. You can’t be here to just hold me after the quickly approaching court date for my moms child support. Probably the last time I’ll see my father….you won’t be here…Sometimes I don’t know if I can get through these big hurdles in my life without you…
“The Lord watch between me and thee while we are absent one from another.”
I remember you were coming down from Ft.Mccoy after being gone for awhile. We had a HUGE fight in front of my work when you picked me up. I hadn’t heard from you in over 5 hours. Plans changed without me knowing and I was furious. I didn’t know where you were. You weren’t answering your texts. I was working and couldn’t call you. Maybe I did. I cannot recall. We stood and argued for almost a half an hour. I was crying and upset. You apologized a million times over. You were supposed to be in town hours and hours ago, but you weren’t.
We made plans to go out that night to the bar. I barely talked to you as you drove me home to change so we could go out. I remember slipping it into my purse and debating the whole ride there whether or not to give it to you because I thought it was stupid and cheesy. But it was an impulsive buy. I wanted you to have a little something of me when you left.
We sat outside the bar in the car for almost a half an hour. I was crying and you were still apologizing to me. I couldn’t look at you. But I remember how you pulled my chin towards you, looked me in the eyes and said, I’m sorry baby. And gave me a little kiss. I was still debating in that moment to give it to you, but I did anyways. And you said you loved it and put it on right away. Though it barely fit over your head haha.
But you rarely take it off. You’ve been wearing it about 5 months now I believe. I still see it dangling on your chest over skype sometimes. Your little half of the coin. I love knowing no matter what, I’m always with you. <3 <3
I‘ve come to the realization that I want to make a difference in someones life. No matter how small or large. Not only do I want to work on myself to become a better, more happy, more positive version of myself, I want to help everyone I can to become “Better” as well.
Some of us can’t speak for ourselves. Some of us can’t open up enough to let the world out, and I want you to know. You are NOT alone. Someone is always listening, and someone is always willing to listen, or hold your hand when times get tough.
I only say this because now…I know. Its true. I came on Experience Projects to help release the stress of an upcoming deployment between me and my soldier and came across some unexpected hurdles very quickly. But there was always someone here to LISTEN and give me SUPPORT. And for that I am very thankful. =) Some of the words may have been harsh to hear in the moment, but they in fact were the truth, and I needed to hear it to help me gather my bearings and focus on what I needed to do to fix the problems. And they were fixed. With a little bit of help…from strangers. And that’s my goal, to touch lives, to give that little boost that I know we ALL need from time to time. Understanding. Truth. Support.
The main reason I’ve been so moved to WANT to make a difference, a conscious effort, is yesterday. I made someone..smile. A complete stranger told me that a confession I shared on here:
“well this round was pretty crazy my love ….after many tears, and many words, things are getting back to normal with you and I. We finally sat down and BOTH apologized for everything that was said that wasn’t worth it. All the grudges that were held that never needed to be, and all the doors that were closed that can now be opened.
We’re going to get better….today, you made me laugh SOO hard. I haven’t laughed this hard in awhile. Its like we hit the reset button. We forgot about the bad things said, and only look forward to the future. Truth is, I missed you. Even bigger truth…I missed myself. =)”
It was said that family couldn’t even get this person to smile. And honestly it gave me a kind of warmth in my heart that I’ve never ever felt before…that in some way, I made someone happy. In a small way, I helped. There’s always going to be someone here to talk to. All you have to do is take a leap of faith.
I guess in all my rambling what I’m trying to say is…….everyone can make a difference. ONE person can help another. One person can make a change, make a difference. <3 God Bless. <3 Pay It Forward.
