"Tales of a military girlfriend"
I'm Vanessa. I've made this blog as a sort of outlet. I've found the only good way I can express myself is through words.
I'm just looking for a way to say what I have to say, and hope that in return it turns into something positive. I've spent the last few years on random travels but now have kind of settled and found the man of my dreams. =) My heart belongs to Alec. A soldier of the US Army, and he's everything I didn't know I wanted.
Do you ever just sit on here from time to time and realize hey, I haven’t heard from so & so in awhile. I wonder what they’re up to! So you go on their blog and you see they haven’t been active for months.
You sit there and wonder:
Did their boyfriend/husband come home and that’s why they aren’t on? Did they break up and they couldn’t handle being here anymore? Are they okay?
I always wondered if one day I just vanished off here that someone would notice and care.
We were sitting in an office with I think his social worker? Someone. And updating all this information. But then the guy starts talking to him about, how are your moods? Since your deployments have you been more irritable, etc. He starts asking him, so you have a shorter fuse, get over angry? More emotional questions.
I start losing my shit.
Alec just kind of shakes his head no to the guy. But the worker sees me crying behind him. He turns around and says, whats the matter honey. Why you crying? He hands me some tissue and I simply say, I’m just emotional. He follows it up with, well obviously the things I was saying to him hit a cord with you and thats why you’re upset. So tell me, what’s going on.
By now, he’s fully attentive. Through tears I say, Alec gets snappy on me all the time, over the smallest things. He makes me feel like my problems, no matter how small don’t matter. It doesn’t feel like he cares.
We went more into depth but he said, that Alec has this mindset in regards to ever aspect of his life this “I’ve been to war, you don’t know what real problems are” and that’s why he thinks he doesn’t have to deal with the little issues. He flat out said, you guys need couples counseling I believe it will help you. He also said that he believe Alec has a small form of PTSD. The only thing that fits he said is the anger, irritability inability to deal with small things, etc.
Anyways, He gave my some locations and times of places where I’m allowed to go as a girlfriend to learn to deal with more of the changes, to understand more. And things for him to go to, to try to deal with these changes. On top of it the counseling for BOTH of us, for couples who aren’t married, to help us work on dealing with underlining issues, communication, all that jazz.
In the end, I feel better now that I went with him. He smiles and shakes his head saying, “I told her I’d go with her if she wanted to go to counseling.” And I just stared in shock. It’s always a different story. He once said he wanted to do it, for us. But when he talks to another party, it’s like i’m dragging him to go. Whatever.
We’re going, that’s all that matters. They’ve already called us, and they’ll call us back in a day or so, so that we can set up a time to go and talk.
I just hope Alec won’t pull the, “I work all the time, I don’t have time to go.” Take a half day off work. Make time. You always make time for those you love, especially when you know they’re suffering.
Alec and I live together and we literally see each other ten minutes a day and its when I get off work around 11 pm.
We realized today that us not being around each other is destroying us. Its putting doubts in his mind on what he wants. If this is what he wants, because I’m never there anymore because of work. I’m not around to do stuff with.
I told him he isn’t here when he’s home. He was more here when he was deployed. He apologized when he was over there, here he doesn’t.
I don’t even know where this rant is going anymore. All I know, is we can’t just sit I front of the TV and not talk everyday. My job is killing us. So hopefully I get this job on Monday. I pray to God.
I may not be going through a deployment anymore with my boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean I get excommunicated from the community.
I’m still and ALWAYS willing to give advice if someone asks for it. To help the new girls/guys learn some ropes, and can direct them to people who know more about something than I do.
So just because my boyfriend is finished with THIS deployment doesn’t mean that I can’t help you.
I have a lot of followers, and I just want to extend a hand to you and say,
“I’m always here for you if you need me. For anything.”
I just wanna fucking fuck the fuck out of you right now. But guess what? DISTANCE IS A FUCKING COCKBLOCK!
I just want you to:
And don’t forget:
BUT INSTEAD I’M SITTING HERE LIKE:
I will admit there’s some things I posted when I first made a tumblr and was new to the whole military girlfriend thing that absolutely make me CRINGE.
I had to really learn the ropes.
I guess that’s why I don’t go out of my way to trash other girls or “new girls”.
You learn that some of the things you said were ridiculous.
Like I used to get so mad about people missing their bf who they’ll see tomorrow. But I’ve learned that everyone can miss anyone after any period of time.
I’m grown enough to stand up and admit there were things that I’ve bitched about that were selfish in a way, but I’ve learned.
SO THERE. =3
Behind all the thousands of pictures of homecomings, all the videos, it heartache.
And I’m sorry if this comes out a little bit funny. When I’m trying to make a point I always sound like I’m talking in circles.
What I’m saying is, I feel like no one addresses the facts. That when women go to other women that sometimes they don’t tell them the harsh reality on top of it.
For example, homecomings. You could be super excited and it go perfect. But no one says, “Hey, you know things could be weird, or awkward. And you might have doubts that because of his lack of emotion that he loves you. But guess what, HE DOES. But it’s going to take time. And you’re going to have to readjust.”
I’m not saying its all a lie, I’m just saying that all these pictures online make up only ONE SIDE to the senario. Only ONE possible outcome. And then I feel like when it doesn’t happen that some girls will feel let down and that their relationship isn’t working anymore.
Do you see what I’m saying?
This isn’t the movies. This isn’t a fairytale.
This is real life, and sometimes things just happen in a way you never thought it would.
But just cause it didn’t happen the way you expected, doesn’t mean somethings wrong.
SO lets all just be honest with each other. Take the veil off and see what this really is. Real life.
Not saying you can’t hope and dream and cross your fingers.
(Please no one take this rambling as hate. Thank you.)
I named it that because when I made the blog I was preparing for this deployment with Alec and honestly couldn’t feel anymore alone. Shortly after that we had a massive falling out and he called a break on our relationship. I just felt like no one was there for me and no one could understand because no one I knew (at the time) was ever in a military relationship. No one cared to listen to my stories or put up with my bullshit, essentially becoming “Unheard”.
But then to add to that, girlfriends don’t really get considered or recognized to a lot of military families and I wouldn’t really say even at all to the military itself.