"Tales of a military girlfriend"
I'm Vanessa. I've made this blog as a sort of outlet. I've found the only good way I can express myself is through words.
I'm just looking for a way to say what I have to say, and hope that in return it turns into something positive. I've spent the last few years on random travels but now have kind of settled and found the man of my dreams. =) My heart belongs to Alec. A soldier of the US Army, and he's everything I didn't know I wanted.
I must say I’m nervous, but happy.
I’ve always told Alec, I can repeat my feelings and issues with you over and over and over again, but it’s like he needs a third party to make him hear it & to make him see that my reactions aren’t bullshit or that my feelings/reactions are valid.
We were sitting in an office with I think his social worker? Someone. And updating all this information. But then the guy starts talking to him about, how are your moods? Since your deployments have you been more irritable, etc. He starts asking him, so you have a shorter fuse, get over angry? More emotional questions.
I start losing my shit.
Alec just kind of shakes his head no to the guy. But the worker sees me crying behind him. He turns around and says, whats the matter honey. Why you crying? He hands me some tissue and I simply say, I’m just emotional. He follows it up with, well obviously the things I was saying to him hit a cord with you and thats why you’re upset. So tell me, what’s going on.
By now, he’s fully attentive. Through tears I say, Alec gets snappy on me all the time, over the smallest things. He makes me feel like my problems, no matter how small don’t matter. It doesn’t feel like he cares.
We went more into depth but he said, that Alec has this mindset in regards to ever aspect of his life this “I’ve been to war, you don’t know what real problems are” and that’s why he thinks he doesn’t have to deal with the little issues. He flat out said, you guys need couples counseling I believe it will help you. He also said that he believe Alec has a small form of PTSD. The only thing that fits he said is the anger, irritability inability to deal with small things, etc.
Anyways, He gave my some locations and times of places where I’m allowed to go as a girlfriend to learn to deal with more of the changes, to understand more. And things for him to go to, to try to deal with these changes. On top of it the counseling for BOTH of us, for couples who aren’t married, to help us work on dealing with underlining issues, communication, all that jazz.
In the end, I feel better now that I went with him. He smiles and shakes his head saying, “I told her I’d go with her if she wanted to go to counseling.” And I just stared in shock. It’s always a different story. He once said he wanted to do it, for us. But when he talks to another party, it’s like i’m dragging him to go. Whatever.
We’re going, that’s all that matters. They’ve already called us, and they’ll call us back in a day or so, so that we can set up a time to go and talk.
I just hope Alec won’t pull the, “I work all the time, I don’t have time to go.” Take a half day off work. Make time. You always make time for those you love, especially when you know they’re suffering.
I flat out told Alec the other day, in tears, that sometimes I don’t think I can do it anymore. That his fuse is too short, his inability to accept that he’s wrong, out that he screwed up, hurt my feelings. That he refuses to try to understand what he doesn’t know. But most of all, how he rarely shows affection anymore.
He will admit he over reacts and all that jazz. But I’m the only one working on changing, cause he keeps starting the same shit over and over.
I told him, “its not this lifestyle I can’t handle. I never said it was, its you’re refusal to work on yourself. This isn’t one sided, you need to try too.”
I love him dearly, and he’s mine forever. I just want him to make the effort. Because I can’t live in this vicious circle anymore. I’m almost fed up.
Sorry for such a serious post so early in the morning.
Alec and I both brought up what his father had said while we were out at dinner.
I told him, “I don’t want you to ask me to marry you if you feel like you have to do it.”
He said, “I want to marry you. I just can’t afford a ring that I’d want to get you right now and that I’m waiting for the right time.”
I set down my fork and said, “Babe, there is no right time in a lifestyle like this. You know this, I know this.”
“I know,” he said. “It’s not like they show in movies.”
“plus, your dad is right. If something happens while you’re overseas, because you will be deployed again, my hands are tied. And I’m just stuck in a house with no control. And you know me…I don’t like bling. I like simple. And if you get to the moment when you think is right but you don’t have a ring…just ask.”
Him: “And propose to you with what??!”
I told him, “I don’t know! But you know I’m picky when it comes to jewelry, and you don’t know if you’d get something I’d like since we have complete opposite tastes then just ask me when you want and we’ll get a ring later. It’s not that big of a deal.”
I mean after all….it’s not about a ring. It’s about a promise to someone. He could buy me a $10 ring from like walmart or something that would get replaced for all I care. I’d just be happy if he’d ask me. That’s all.
Behind all the thousands of pictures of homecomings, all the videos, it heartache.
And I’m sorry if this comes out a little bit funny. When I’m trying to make a point I always sound like I’m talking in circles.
What I’m saying is, I feel like no one addresses the facts. That when women go to other women that sometimes they don’t tell them the harsh reality on top of it.
For example, homecomings. You could be super excited and it go perfect. But no one says, “Hey, you know things could be weird, or awkward. And you might have doubts that because of his lack of emotion that he loves you. But guess what, HE DOES. But it’s going to take time. And you’re going to have to readjust.”
I’m not saying its all a lie, I’m just saying that all these pictures online make up only ONE SIDE to the senario. Only ONE possible outcome. And then I feel like when it doesn’t happen that some girls will feel let down and that their relationship isn’t working anymore.
Do you see what I’m saying?
This isn’t the movies. This isn’t a fairytale.
This is real life, and sometimes things just happen in a way you never thought it would.
But just cause it didn’t happen the way you expected, doesn’t mean somethings wrong.
SO lets all just be honest with each other. Take the veil off and see what this really is. Real life.
Not saying you can’t hope and dream and cross your fingers.
(Please no one take this rambling as hate. Thank you.)
He’s coming home today. =) This is a queued message. I am literally on my way, to the airport RIGHT NOW!
Well, depending what time this gets published at! I have it set up 3-4.
But if you’re reading this and its 4 o’clock, then I’m standing at the gate, searching for his face in the crowd…
After 208 long days, he is home on leave. Ten days is all we get together. But I don’t even care at this point. All I know is that I can’t wait to kiss him, hug him, hold his hand, look at him and NOT have a computer screen separating us.
I can’t afford to hire someone to take pictures, and there’s not going to be anyone there except his dad, best friend, and me. And frankly, I don’t care anymore that we won’t have pictures. All that matters is that he’s mine and he’s home.
I can’t tell you if I’ll cry or not when I see him, but I probably will.
All I know for sure is that I’ve never felt so anxious about any other moment in my life besides this.
I’m writing this the day before and my mind is already racing, and it doesn’t feel real.
I know the moment I see his face though…it will be the most real experience in my whole life.
Anyways, I’ll update you all when I get home, probably late tonight or tomorrow.
Thank you to all the ladies and gents who have gotten me through the FIRST half of this deployment. I only hope and pray you all stick around for the second half.
delta6 said: coming back from deployment to find out that everything has changed between you and your lover. it is the worst feeling in the world to be defending ones country while knowing your girl back home is cheating on you while you are gone so please do him a favor and if anything like that is ever going to happen let him know before he gets too hurt. sorry that was so long and that there is two of them i ran out of room on the other post
First of all, I would NEVER cheat on him. It probably didn’t come off right, but when he said it, it was because we both declared we would never leave the other person, and then it was jokingly but of course serious, unless you cheated on me. I also know what it’s like for my man to cheat on me. My ex cheated on me pretty much with his now ex wife when he was deployed to Haiti. I would never do something like that to Alec.
Secondly, I don’t think you meant any harm by this post but I’m feeling a little upset that’d you’d feel the need to tell me that if I ever did anything like that, to let him know before he gets too hurt. That in and of itself is ridiculous.’
Also my boyfriend is deployed. Has been for seven months. We’ve had the ups and downs, the good bad and pretty fucking ugly. But we deal with it and we move on. To ever THINK that I would cheat or he would is ridiculous. We’ve vowed to never leave until the other doesn’t want us anymore, or one cheats (which would never happen).
I don’t know why but this whole post just irks me SO much. I don’t even know why you’d feel the need to message me and basically be like, hey by the way if you start falling for someone else while he’s away, let him know. Well shit yeah let him know but it’s never going to happen. I’ll love him forever and a day.
After a little time I realized this might be just a heads up to ladies/gentlman as advice so I apologize, if it’s NOT then I’ll have to stand by what I said. BUT THIS IS GOOD INFORMATION FOR YOU GUYS TO KNOW. IF EITHER SIDE CHEATS OR FALLS FOR ANOTHER, LET YOUR BF/GF KNOW ASAP. It’ll be painful but easier.
delta6 said: just to let you know. as a soldier in the beginning we have a lot to worry about, there is a lot of shit going on and quite frankly a lot to be scared of but one of our biggest fears is an unfaithful lover. so while i hope that never happens to anyone i would say this. if there is any chance that your current relationship would fall apart, talk to your boyfriend about it before he deploys, and if at some point you fall for someone else tell him immediately cause nothing is worse than...
I’m 22 years old. Older than most of the girls I see.
So old enough to drink beer.
I never saw myself loving a man in the military, but he was just too amazing.
My penmanship has not improved, but my boyfriends reading skills have. We talk every night on Skype. And he doesn’t like writing letters, so I don’t get that luxury.
I cry a lot because I have anxiety/depression. And it went through the roof when he left which at times makes me unable to function. And I do miss him a lot, but he’s still in my life. So it’s NOT incomplete without him.
I look tired because I work the night shifts, I push myself a little longer to stay up and talk to him. But I have always had a hard time sleeping anyways and have to take sleeping aids.
A girlfriend is NOT classified as a dependent. You truly are independent because you’re not recognized on a piece of paper.
I tend to myself and my cat. And get rides to work cause I don’t have a car. I’d be doing it anyways if he was home.
I do smile when I’m crying because I want it to stop. Or I know it’s going to be okay. You just gotta get a little bit stronger.
I understand he’ll go far away cause it’s his job. It’s no surprise and it’s nothing I’ll dwell over.
Same with being taken at a moments notice. Sure it’s going to suck and I’ll miss him. But it’s his duty. He knows that, and so do I.
I’ve ALWAYS felt a sense of pride. Not just because I’m in a relationship with a man in the military, it SHOULD of been a life time thing for everyone. I try not to watch the news because that just upsets people. And I hate how everyone assumes he’s in Iraq, he’s not.
I’d write, but he doesn’t like writing. So emails and skype calls will do. Sure I’ve lucked out and get them everyday and sometimes twice, I am truly lucky.
It’s just a 24 hour clock instead of 12. But really only the military uses it, hence the military time. But it’s not that hard to learn.
I don’t touch his uniform but to wash it. We’re both picky about our clothes. And he’d know how to do it just right. I don’t need to take care of him like a child.
I don’t mind people missing their boyfriends or husbands or whatever, whether they be in a military relationship or not. The only thing that bothers me is when you have 20+ posts about it a day.
I do remember the little things about him, like his smell, the way he sleeps. But eventually after a long time away, I can only remember it in my mind. It’s like he’s become a dream. I couldn’t see him on the bed, or walking down the hall anymore. He’s been gone too long.
I don’t devote my time in energy into staring at pictures. I guess it brings comfort to some, and that’s fine with me. And he’s only ever writen me two letters. On a small 4x6 piece of paper. That’s all I have.
“Even though her man is half a world away, she manages to go on with her life, as he would want her to.” You HAVE to. There is no choice. Life goes on, and if you sit and wollow then you’ll bring yourself to a disgusting place and it’ll be hard to get going again.
No one knows my boyfriend is away from me. No one can see it on my face. Or in my body language. The only people who know are who I’ve told.
I’m am always half frowning half smiling because I have to keep it together, I have to keep going. I don’t wear pins or have decals on a car that doesn’t exist. I wear my pride in my heart, and it doesn’t matter if the whole world sees it or not. It’s just for me.
My wardrobe is NOT based on his branch. I have one shirt and it’s a hello kitty with an army shirt on. That’s it. I don’t live and breath his branch. I am my own person.
I’ve never had anyone thank me. I’ve only been told I don’t matter by a man at my work. I’ve had my friends leave me because they don’t understand. I’ve been alienated. But my friends tell me I’m so strong, and that’s all I need.
We knew this type of life didn’t come with instructions,
So I’m trying to do my best to make something out of nothing.
Sometimes it gets down right shitty in fact….
I don’t know where you’re going, or when you’re coming home.
Just get your ass back home.
You’ve been nothing but amazing, and I’d never take that for granted.
Half of these birds would’ve flew the coup but you,
You truly understand it.
“No one holds me down like you do, sweetheart
You keep doing that, I’ll keep doing this
We’ll be aight in the end, trust that
We put the us in trust, baby”
I don’t care what you’re after
As long as I’m the one,
No I don’t care why you’re leaving
You’ll miss me when you’re gone
Or when you’re coming home
I left the keys under the mat to our front door
For one more chance to hold you close
I don’t know where you’re going
Just get your ass back home…